There’s No
Meme in Team
My junior year of college revolved around the first season of “The Osbournes.” MTV’s reality show featuring the everyday lives of Ozzy Osbourne and his offbeat family wove a tapestry of hilarity: Ozzy’s endless stream of mumbling profanity, juxtaposed against his ball-of-fire wife and two screwball children. The show was must-see for everyone, heavy metal fans and otherwise.
But stare at something funny for long enough, and you’ll find a reason to stop laughing. In Season 2, Sharon was diagnosed with cancer, and Ozzy struggled to maintain his sobriety. Eventually, Ozzy revealed that he’d been stoned on pills the entire time. The dark humor was gone; it was just dark. It wasn’t funny anymore.
Likewise, by now, the Patrick Reed Show has gone on for at least a couple years too long.
Sure, the first few seasons were fun. Reed’s turn as an upstart villain at the 2014 Ryder Cup provided excitement to a side that otherwise lacked any; by 2016, the schtick was unoriginal, but another productive week (including his WrestleMania-level Sunday match against Rory McIlroy) made overlooking his stains easier than it should have been.
After the 2019 Presidents Cup, though, it is more than clear that Reed has outlived both his usefulness and his wit.
Reed’s singles win over mighty C.T. Pan — in which Reed nearly blew a six-up lead — dabbed lipstick on what otherwise was a pig of a week: three losses, plus a caddie ejected for fighting a fan and a self-owning allusion to his cheating a week prior.
All this from a player who is, by all accounts, one of the single most unlikeable people on Tour. Perennial rent-a-friend Webb Simpson drew the unenviable task of babysitting Reed through an 0-3 start to the week, but given Reed’s history, Simpson’s task seemed impossible from the start. “Eleven players understood the concept of team golf and only one didn’t,” an anonymous Ryder Cup assistant captain mused after the United States’ 2018 loss. “Unfortunately, that one proved to be too costly for the team to overcome.”
And for what? If Reed isn’t putting points on the scoreboard and isn’t being brought along for his charming personality, then what’s the point of all this? Dating back to the 2018 Ryder Cup, “Captain America” is 2-5 in his past seven international team matches — not exactly a Super Soldier-caliber record.
I’d like to believe that the point of international competitions is not only to put together a roster of America’s 12 most talented players, but also to compile a team whose members are more or less worthy of representing their country. Admittedly, that is naive; but just as obviously, you don’t have to be an idealist to acknowledge that Reed has earned his way out of future consideration.
If the past 20 years’ worth of Ryder Cups left any doubt, then the Americans’ narrow victory at Royal Melbourne proves that even when the odds are stacked in its favor, Team USA isn’t good enough to win a Ryder Cup with dead weight. If Reed plays his way onto the 2020 team at Whistling Straits, then he will have proven that he’s not dead weight; but if he doesn’t, then any ideas of awarding him a captain’s pick should be brushed away like sand in a bunker footprint. Reed’s act isn’t funny anymore, and the Americans will need more than memes next year.