A Few Things That Cost Less Than a Titlelist Pro V1

Playing Titleist Pro V1 balls is a little like taking a multivitamin: I know I probably should be doing it, but sometimes I forget, and honestly I’m not sure I’d notice a difference anyway.

And my God, the price! At $52 per dozen, the Pro V1 now sets you back $4.33 per golf ball. Four dollars and thirty-three cents! Imagine taking a small fistful of nickels and pennies, wrapping them up inside four one-dollar bills, and trying to hit that over a pond. That smudged-up Top Flite at the bottom of your bag is looking better and better, isn’t it?

Maybe the Pro V1 is an irreplaceable part of your golf game at this point — and, therefore, an irreplaceable part of your life. But imagine all the the other investment opportunities your life must go without when you take home that sleeve of future pond liners…

. . .

Enough bottled water for
nearly half an NFL team:

Twenty-four bottles of water, at 16 ounces apiece. That’s three gallons of water! For the cost of a few dozen Titleists, you could come close to filling up the pond in which your ball probably will finish its life.

. . .

This Toy Monster Truck:

El Toro Loco is one of my household’s favorite monster trucks. And honestly, you have to be a little loco to spend nearly $4.50 on a single golf ball.

. . .

All These Washcloths:

With the damage to your wallet that a box of Pro V1s delivers, you’ll have to cut back on your golf budget somewhere else. I suggest these lovely alternatives to that new golf towel you’ve been eyeing.

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Four Double Stacks from Wendy’s:

Admittedly, eight slabs of beef and nearly 1,600 calories might leave you dead and buried — but how much worse is that than a buried lie?

. . .

TWO Gallons’ worth of Kool-Aid mix:

Thirty-five percent less sugar, and a dollar and a half cheaper than a Pro V1? OH YEAH.

. . .

EIGHT FIRST-CLASS STAMPS:

Not that you have eight friends who you like enough to write a letter.

. . .

Almost Two Gallons of Gasoline:

In Acushnet’s defense, gasoline has recently gotten a lot more inexpensive, thanks to Saudi Arabia. Of course, this might not be Saudi Arabia’s last contribution to the economics of international golf.